I never was one to make decisions. Now that I'm a single mom I have to make so so many of them. The latest I am struggling with is to get a job or not to get a job .. . that's the question. I wanted to wait till my kids were older because me being me I don't trust anyone that's not family (and some of my family I don't even trust) with my kids, but the boys are going to be 4 soon and I'm starting to think maybe it's time. On one hand I am seriously sick of being broke all the time, but on the other my mom has been trying to get a job like one I'd need for a very long time and she can't find anything so I'm thinking my chances might be slim to even find a job.
Also, I hate the government and I really don't want to use any of their programs to help me get back on my feet but I'm just not seeing any way around it. The quickest way to get daycare assistance is to sign up for food stamps, you sign up for the food stamps and they give you 13 weeks to find a job. Well if my mom can't find one in over 4 months what are the odd's I'm going to do any better? They say that they sign you up for all this crap to get a job, temp agency's and such but I'm sorry I don't want to throw my kids in daycare so someone else can take care of them while I go do a job I hate all day. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to want to be able to do a job you love?
I'm stuck. I keep mulling it over. A big part of me says they are only going to be young once and I should really just enjoy it. Another part is saying I should go and get a job so I can get them all the material things that well, they don't really need per-say but it would make life easier. Is 4 a good age to go to daycare? And then my daughter is getting bullied on the bus and I worry about her getting bullied at afterschool care because she'll be by herself. I pity the fool who tries to pick on either of my boys b/c they always have each others backs.
And then there's the thing of if your getting food stamps, and the government is paying a big chunk of your daycare bill, are you really on your own two feet? Are you really contributing to society or are you a part of the problem? Right now I feel like I'm doing them a favor by not using the services so that they can use it for someone else who might need it more than I do.
And then there's the am I even going to make any money if I start working? By the time you pay for gas, uniforms, my part of daycare oh and finding a job that's going to let me have Wednesdays off early because my court order says I have to drive to Illinois for 2 hours worth of driving so the kids can see their dad for 2 hours that's always there too. Where am I going to find a job like that?
If you pray please pray for me. I need all the help I can get. Anyways thanks for letting me rant. . .
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