Thursday, December 31, 2015

I'm a tulip

I'd rather kill a stupid flower. . . than spread its seed around. . .when you think about it my job is kind of mean.  I get to carry a knife and cut flowers all day.  To be fair most of them are already dead anyways but sometimes I cut live plants.  But anyways. . .

I don't know about you but I can't wait for 2016.  I will not carry the sins of 2015 with me.  I will not go backwards.  Sure you can move and change your name and get a whole new set of friends but bottom line your still you.  And the me that I am is pretty good.  I have survived so much.

It's not easy being a tulip in a world full of roses.  Sure they look delicate and they blow open in the sun, but did you know that tulips are the only flowers that continue to grow even after they are cut?  If you get a vase of tulips and measure them, and then measure them a week later they will be longer.  If they have partial sun light you'll see that they grow and bend their sweet little heads in the direction of the light.  You can cut them, killing them essentially and they still continue to grow, and they age rather well.  If you keep the water clean they can last a pretty long time.  They are hardier than they look.

So what I am saying is you can knock me down but I'll always get right back up again.  You can keep knocking me down and I'll just continue to grow.  Maybe you won't like what I grow into.  That's totally fine by me.  Because I know you don't like what you've grown into.  No body does.  That's the problem with being a narcissist who lies constantly eventually the truth catches up to you.  And when it does you loose everyone.  I wish I could just poof you into being a fellow tulip, but I doubt you have it in you.  Some people never change.  Not even 5 minutes with you and I could see the only thing that's changed is you grew a vagina on your face.  I could see that you wanted to give me a hug, but you didn't.   I guess its because your latest victim was watching.  See, you can lie to my face and I still know your lying.  That's why you never wanted me to look at you.  Why you hide your bloodshot eyes that look like you've either been crying or got hit with mace.  Not going to lie, I thought about bringing my mace.  I could tell you were scared.  You always were a coward.  How dare I have my hands in my pockets!  It's only super cold outside and I have this thing I forgot what its called but when I am out in the cold my hands and toes turn super red.  Then when I get home and get in the bathtub to warm up they turn purple as hell and look like rotting zombie flesh so I tend to try and keep warm.  Ironic right?  Scary?  Not half as scary as your future.  I am the ghost of Christmas past and if you don't change your ways your going to die old and alone. . .witch is a nightmare for you because you need that validation of being with someone to feel like your worth anything.

See, that's why you need to be with a tulip.  Someone who can keep you honest.  Someone who won't put up with your bullshit.  Someone that you can't hurt.  Good luck finding someone like that.. . .

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Confessions of a florist: Christmas time

It's not just Christmas when your a florist.  It's Christmas for a whole month, soon as Thanksgiving is over you got fresh pine and everything is green red and white.  Poinsettias fill the shop and Christmas music is on and your one of Santa's little elves making pretty things to bring Christmas cheer to hundreds of households.  I even got to come in on a Sunday and fill a bunch of orders all by myself!  It was magical.  No customer distractions, no phones ringing, no small talk with other designers (I am a bit of an introvert) just me and music and pretty pretty flowers making beautiful things all by my lonesome.  As I was standing there having the time of my life I couldn't believe I actually get paid to do this!  Don't tell my boss but I'd do it for free that's how much I love it.  Some confessions though.  .

1.  Your hands are always dirty.  Doesn't matter how many times you wash them there's always pine sap under your fingernails and dirt in the folds of your cracked dried skin.  It's pretty bad actually.  I am probably going to get some bleach for when I wash dishes maybe that will help clean em up.

2.  You smell like Christmas.  That pine?  Yeah. . .it smells awesome but you smell like it for pretty much the whole month.

3.  All the sudden when its over you have a whole new appreciation for other colors of flowers.  The purples, yellows, blues and pinks are so much brighter and prettier after looking at red green and white for so long.  Yellow. . I have always been a yellow girl but its so much brighter, incredibly lovely, you almost forget about all other flowers aside from roses, carnations, spray roses, mini carnations poms and lilly's for basically a month.

4.  You wake up and your feet already hurt.  I remember waking up 5 minutes before the alarm and being like why do my feet hurt?  I haven't even done anything yet . . but its the price we pay for spreading Christmas cheer.

5.  You don't understand how the days go by so fast- I mean seriously you are so busy it feels like your there for 5 minutes and its time to go home.  It's a good thing we have Christmas month because to me anyways it only feels like about a week.  And when its done you get an intense satisfaction of oh yeah. . .I kicked that Christmas square in the nuts.  You totally feel like you did "Christmas"  once you've been a florist at Christmas time not being one just. . .it's not really Christmas.  It's way too easy, just feels like something is missing you know?

Well that was Christmas. . .I can't WAIT for Valentines day :)

Sunday, December 13, 2015

What mom's do.

Don't try to tell me how to raise my kids.  Don't try and tell me "That's what mom's do" because last time I checked mom's don't kick out their daughters when they have a 3 year old and twin 18 month old babies (your grandchildren) when she has NO INCOME.  I have come a long way doing the opposite of what you did and I think I know what mom's do.  Mom's choose between calling off work when they have a sick kid and not being able to pay the rent or bringing the kid into work with them.  Mom's drag all 3 of their kids out of bed in the middle of the night because they are worried one of them might have some fatal illness that turns out to be the flu.  Mom's go hungry so that the kids can eat.  Mom's have one pair of jeans that they wear every single day because they can't afford anything else yet the kids have all they need.  Mom's choose between buying light bulbs and toilet paper.  Mom's find a job where 90% of the time you don't need daycare because the business is open during (mostly) school hours.

You don't know what mom's do because you never had to worry about it.  And then when you did get a job you pawned us off on the next door neighbor who didn't even watch us- hell its a wonder we survived.  We could have gotten snatched or fell off a hill in the woods or got ran over by a train and that woman would have been none the wiser because all she told us to do was "Go out and play" And boy did we.  And she never checked on us either.   No.  "That's what moms do" okay I guess that's what moms do they won't push back Christmas dinner one hour so that 2 of their daughters and their only grandchildren can come have a meal with them.  You only have 3 kids.  You only have 3 grandkids.  And its not like you have anywhere else to go because the only other place to go is having Christmas at the same time you picked to do it so why??  Why can't you move it back an hour?  Oh because that would just make too much sense right?  Thanks mom.  And I guess mom's sell their old car's to their child because giving it to them would just be too much.  You only give cars to the youngest she has gotten 3 cars out of you I guess she got my car and my other sister's car to.  I am just under stress to pay the rent and phone and insurance and food and clothing why not stack a car payment on top of that too?  Never mind you have a big beautiful 4 bedroom house that's sitting empty 70% of the time we can't stay there the kids are just too loud.  Not even for a year so that I could save a safety net and afford a "normal" place no that would just be taking a year out of your life, why would you want to live with your grandkids and see them everyday??  That's what mom's do.  They make you feel like crap no matter what you choose to do.  They complain that your house isn't clean enough or I am failing them some other way but you know what?  No.  I'm not failing them any witch way you slice it.  At least I am "present"  when I have them.  At least I talk to my kids.  At least I know what they are learning in school.  Do I take them on fancy vacations or buy them every new gizmo that comes out? No.  But we have fun and we take care of each other.  Because that's what mom's do. 

Well at least they should.