Monday, January 25, 2016

I'm going free

It doesn't take that much strength to hold on.  It takes strength to let go.  To trust God.  Take that leap of faith that if you let go everything is going to fall into place just like it did before, and the time before that.  But then you have to think,  who can handle it better?  Me with my silly human mind and stupid mortal plans or the creator of the entire universe who loved me so much that he actually died for me.  Who's more qualified to handle the situation?  Duh.  Who's taken care of me time and time and time again?  Who promises in his word that he loves to give his children good things.  So I been praying for some miracles.  I have seen some before so its not like its a really tall order I just have to hope that I haven't reached my quota of miracles yet.  I know he can do anything, and his will will be done regardless you can't un-see the things I have seen.  There is no turning back.  Multiply my faith oh God.  Heal my broken heart.  Help me to forget.  Show me your ways.  Help me to pick up my cross every single day I am still here, rid me of myself once and for all.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

This isn't happening.

She doesn't have terminal cancer.  She's not going anywhere.  It's not her turn yet.  She's a freaking tulip!  Too many people need her and depend on her.  She can't go anywhere.  This isn't happening.  No.  Nope.  It can't be real.  Not yet.  I'm not ready yet.  They say months, maybe years they don't know.  They don't know anything   Stupid doctors.  Doctors should know things.  It's their job to know things.  So if the doctors don't know anything than how do they know the cancer is in her bones?  Nope.  This isn't happening.  I can't.