Wednesday, December 11, 2013

What's wrong with me.

I have a heart problem.  Being a single mom I have gotten so accustomed to the whole idea of "If I don't do it, it's not going to get done."  I have become so self reliant that it's just so hard to ask for help.  I have a friend I just talked to and she said that I should pray every morning to commit my day to God and ask him for strength to get me threw the day and to keep from sinning.  So I tried that today and I realized my problem. 

Anyone remember the story about Jesus where the guy came up to him and told him how he's always kept the 10 commandments and never broke any laws and blah blah I'm a good person Jesus will I get into Heaven?  And then Jesus said he had to go and sell all his things and follow him?  And then the guy walked away all sad because he loved all his things and didn't want to give them up?  Yeah.  That's my problem right now it's not so much the material things because we all know I don't have much in the way of that but it's those crutches.  I found myself feeling like I don't want to give up my whole day to God.  Those little pet sins we all have who really wants to give them up?  What's a life worth living if you can't do what you want and enjoy it? 

Well you know what they say, the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem.  If you pray please pray for me that I can give up my little 5% of my life that I want to keep so that I can lay everything down and follow him.  It's so hard, and it really shouldn't be.  I'm convinced this is why so few actually make it to heaven because people are born selfish and no matter how much they want to do right it's just so hard to do the right thing.  So that's what's wrong with me right now.  What's wron with you?

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